16 Things I'm still learning
I honestly do not know what it is about turning 35, but i have been much more contemplative than usual. I've been looking back, but also assessing where i am, and looking ahead to where i hope to be. If i am being completely honest, i am not where i thought i would be by now, which isn't all bad. For example, i thought i would be married with at least one child by 35. But i also never thought i would get to live where i live and have the level of independence and privilege that has been afforded to me. For now, at 35 i am enjoying looking at all I've accomplished, but still, believing that the best is yet to come (Hello future husband that's out there somewhere). Maybe one day ill look back and laugh at how complicated i made turning 35 to be, when in reality its one year in comparison to an entire lifespan.
In any case in the spirit of trying to get back into writing, i thought i would share all the things that i am still figuring out, and still trying to learn to be okay with. Because despite all the glossy pictures on Instagram we see no one has it all as put together as they make it seem.
I think the best and suckiest part of life is that there is so much more to learning and figuring things out, than we care to admit. So...why rush it...we might as well embrace that we are all still trying to understand life and gain a little more peace of mind.
How to not push my mind to things that will happen weeks from now.
Piggybacking on #1, savoring now. Its a constant trial and error.
Pray and leave it at the cross, because only Jesus can carry my worries, i suck at it.
To recognize faster than i can type in my credit card number that I'm buying to soothe what's bothering me. I know I will look great in that new dress, but it won't take away my worry.
To love cooking. i like cooking a lot more than i used to, especially in the fall and winter. But i am far away from loving it.
That It's okay to want romance and love and all the cheesy stuff as a single woman.
That its okay to want love and to share my life with someone a little more than i enjoy being single.
That It's okay to want more from life. More meaningful work, more time with those i love.
That It's okay to not connect with your career, even if you've spent thousands on a degree and are doing a doctoral degree you hope will be a gateway to something else.
To say no to things that don't make me feel good. That includes the news, politics, or anything overly traumatic to my soul.
To embrace being picky. Its my life why would i not be stringent.
That its okay to want to lose weight, but also think I'm pretty and sexy just the way i am.
That you can love shopping, but also love saving.
That its okay to want a slower pace of life, even at 35. Slow mornings and evenings, slow conversations, and long walks.
That it's okay to not fake it till you make it. Authenticity is so much more freeing.
That its okay to not be happy with where i am in life, but also have hope that one day life will look different.