What Now?
I ate pasta everyday during the first week of quarantine, mainly because i had no idea what else to do. The week before Northern California shut down started like every other week before it, busy. Running from meeting to meeting, school to school, going to bed and waking up to do it all over again. But the week of March 9th, the atmosphere was tense. Monday started with a long list of to-do's, and by wednesday i was frantically spending my lunch break buying groceries, cases of water before ultimately going home Friday March 13th (spooky) the last working day of the school year.
Fast forward to now, July 2 and boy oh boy has a lot happened. What i thought would be a week or two off, to which i would spend leisurely working out at Orange Theory Fitness, browsing Barnes & Nobles and shopping at the mall, turned into VERY frequent mood changes, tears, long walks, and desperately wanting to see people that i knew. Quarantine life really kicked my butt and and the disruption that still is Covid-19 taught me a few things about myself.
I think i am one of those weird people that knows that there is still so much to learn in life, yet is surprised by life's lessons. The bible talks frequently about the ups and downs of life, yet still i find myself deep in a depression and confused when hardship or disruptions come my way. Maybe thats just part of our human nature, we are always ill prepared or maybe for some circumstances there is absolutely no way to prepare. Take Covid-19 for instance, i was completely oblivious until March 9th when my morning radio host on my drive to work disrupted my tunes to update listeners on the spreading of a foreign virus, which apparently started to spread in the United States back in January. So you bet your stars i was thanking Jesus for safety, considering i just went on a three day trip to Las Vegas less than three weeks before. Nevertheless i was super unprepared emotionally. Did i have a stocked refrigerator and pantry? Yes! Did i have a million bottles of water? Yes, Did i actually have a large pack of toilet paper? Yes and YES! But was i prepared for true isolation, not one bit.
Don't be naive dear Introvert !
i guess that was my first lesson, being an introvert doesn't mean you can spend that much time by yourself. I naively thought that i would be better than fine, i live alone and i love it! What would be so hard about a little extra alone time....everything. I don't think i realized how important companionship was, i also didn't realize how active socially i was until it was all stripped away. I work in education, so i am constantly talking to someone or in contact with people, there is rarely a moment when i am by myself working unless its a slow day. The first few days at home was an absolute dream. All my stay home and do nothing dreams were coming true, i got to actually live the slow mornings of my dreams. But fast forward a month and i was dreading each day and not wanting to leave my bed. For most of quarantine, the highlight of my days were phone conversations with my sister, parents, and a few friends. Never again will i gripe about "too much" social interactions. Socializing feeds me just as much as my solitude, now that there are less restrictions (you still need to wear a mask people !) getting to safely spend time with my family and best friend is something i have cherished.
I also learned a few things about my view on singleness, my desires for the future, what really matters to me, and a few comparison trap lesson. Basically it was a long almost four months, i had plenty of time to think. Which leads me to the title of this post, "What now?". I know i am not the only person wondering what's next. Let's face it life will never be lived in the same fashion it was pre-covid-19. Change is happening and there is nothing we can do about it, but change is not always a bad thing. The change in pace made me realize my plate was plenty full, and what should have been a restful summer would have been another 2.5 months of travel and overspending. Change has made me really look at my life and make decisions about what i want in the future and what i need to do in my present to get there (Can anyone say Debt free?). And last and definitely not least, change has made me start writing again. After a failed manuscript submission(more about that later, and ok it wasn't exactly a fail), work exhaustion, depression, and just pure sadness about turning 33 and still being single, writing was the absolute last thing on my mind. But the more blog post i read from ladies like, Laura Michael (here) the more i realized how much i miss writing and the creative process.
So i am back, trying to stay sane in this extra crazy world that we live in, trying to be more self aware, trying to dig deeper into my relationship with God, and for heaven sake trying to be consistent with my blogging.
Stay Safe
XoXo Marissa
