• Marissa George

There is no Formula to Finding love




My book club members and I were talking a few months ago about relationships, and as i listened it occurred to me that there was no formula, no one size fits all to finding love, yet we often approach finding love in a one size fits all way.


When I was a teenager I remember the only way to get a boyfriend was to be where the boys where. For me as a Christian girl, that meant running around Brooklyn to all the churches with the cute boys were. When i was in college that meant going on myspace (Did i just age myself lol) to scoop out the guys without them knowing, or going to the campus gym to hangout...not workout. At the time those were the things you did, they were (supposed to be) fool proof and if you didn't graduate with a ring on your finger or at least a boyfriend, you must have done something wrong.


The one size fits all formula is ingrained in us as women, it's the reason why we try online dating even though we may hate it, or go to whatever event because "everyone" knows that's how you meet somebody. We don't consider that what worked for your friend Susan might not work for you, instead we feel obligated to try it all, even if we hate it.


One of the reasons i think we do this, is because we rather do something than do what seems to be nothing. I too have fallen for this trap until i looked around and realized all of my friends have very different love stories. From meeting at a church event, work, online, holiday party, or through friends, none of them were intentionally going anywhere with the hopes of meeting their current husbands, it just happened. So could it be that the real formula to finding love is that there isn't one.


I don't know about you but that realization made me feel alot less anxious and alot more relaxed. It doesn't mean i will no longer be open or hopeful, it means i will not force myself to subscribe fully to a formula just because someone things its "right for my personality", or because "so and so" met their husbands that way. What would happen if women just let go and lived? who knows maybe letting go is the one size fits all that we need to look into.

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